My Second-Life Adventure (or, My Very First Post)

Hello all! Welcome to Ammo-ture, random thought page and official blog of Maxwell Turner, and his work-in-progress band, AmmoCat. I started this blog, partly due to my girlfriend starting one, and recommending I do the same (you can find HER blog here), and because I am on summer break from school, and currently have nothing to do. So, I hope that this will quickly become a place filled with random thoughts, factoids, stories, and much more in the days to come.

Anyway, I am going to share with you here today an epic story of heroes, villains, and danger, all taking place in a land of wonder, excitement, and old perverted people dropping in on Software company business meetings. The game in question I am referring to is none other then...

Now, so noone begins running away in fear, it should be known that I am not a Second Life freak, and in fact, besides today, the last two times I tried it (which are also the first two times I tried it), I ended up clocking a good four minutes or so into trying it out. IT JUST WASN'T MY THING. But for whatever reason, this morning, I decided to give it another shot. And before I knew it, I had plunged into a life-changing adventure.

When I first logged in, my character (or Second Me... I guess), Roland Sporg was in a random mountain range, in the middle of God-knows-where. Roland and his awesome last name couldn't remember what had happened the night before (or actually four months ago, the last time I played) and so he decided to catch up on learning how to do things. After about a half of an hour, we decided that there was nothing to learn, because we were both extremely confused. And had learned nothing. So, I decided that Roland and I needed some new friends, or at least some intelligent person who could speak English. So we teleported to the hub.

This was THE PLACE TO BE. This place was bouncin`. There were people everywhere. Now, if they were intelligent and English, well, that was yet to be revealed. I heard a voice coming from nowhere. Or somewhere. It was an elderly British woman, and she was talking about cooking "Sweet Sausages". That's what the recipe was called. I don't know, sounds pretty vague. "One... *ahem*...Sweet Sausage, please". I don't know. Whatever. Then another female voice came booming through a microphone.

Female: "(STATIC) CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

Elderly British Woman: "Yes, we can hear you loud and clear, my dearie."

(Long Pause)

Female: "I SAID, CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

Elderly British Woman: "And I said we could hear you."

Then, outta nowhere, this demonic voice comes booming through my speakers, I kid you not.

Demon/moderator: "Shalulie143, Shalulie143, we hear you, next time you talk, turn down your microphone. Do not make me ask again, or you WILL be muted."

At this point, I was a little freaked, I mean, with this program I could eavesdrop on random conversations, and not get in trouble. Because who actually knows who I am? So I looked around for the source of this booming voice, and when I found it, I was surprised I hadn't noticed it before.

So, here I am looking into the eyes... errr... eye of a giant Demon-Spider-Automaton-Moderator. So, we stood in awe, watching this thing stare at everyone, and demand people not to break rules. After a good minute or so, I learned that this monstrosity was none other then Mike, one of the main hub area administrators. And he's not a giant Demon-Spider-Automaton-Moderator in real life. If that were so, he would probably look like this:

Oh crap, wrong picture:

Yep. But that ain't Mike at all. No. I KNOW Mike. He would never become something like that. Would HE? Well, anyways, I did quite a bit of loitering. I guess I was so amazed at the fact that pretty much everyone had a microphone, and were engaging in full-fledged conversation... right in MY computer! I loitered so much, in fact, that one of the conversationalists started commenting on that "guy wearing all the black over in the corner" who was just lingering.

Yeah, that's the Second-Me, in the bottom center of the screen. Except, right now, that silly fool has his back to all of us. How silly.

Aww, that's more like it Roland. But, why are you so angry? What's that, you don't feel good? Well, what's wrong... WOAH.

Are you FLYING, Roland? Look, everyone...! Up there, in the sky... ROLAND IS EFFIN' FLYING!!! This must be some sort of technological breakthrough!!! Oh... anyone can fly in Second Life? Oh, I guess it's not that cool then. Let's go back down to the ground and see if there's any new people:

Who the heck is this, Mr. Ski-Master/ Special-Ops/ Elf-dude? Ha-ha, I laugh in your face, because YOU sir, look silly.

Oh, and here is the Douch-bag who is ultimately awesomer (sic) then I will ever be (It's true...) What a B.A. Freak.

Oh, nice butt. Uhh... I mean... umm... dude, you are SOOO ugly that... crap, I had a joke for this guy a moment ago. Really!

So, basically this whole time, I have been walking around taking pictures of everything and everyone, and it is wierd to do so, because everyone else around you can hear your in-game camera clicking. So they all look at you like your some kind of papparrazzi freak. And it ain't cool.

Random Dread-Lock Dude: "Ha-ha, someone's taking pictures! This is so exciting!"

Elderly British Woman: "Ahhh, that would be Roland. It seems he would be the official photographer of this area."

At this point, I felt like some sort of minority. They referred to me as if I wasn't there. Like some sort of freak. And I was all like, Jerk! But whatever. Cuz they were all like, Freak!!! So, I turned around and saw the most frightening thing approaching me. Ok, you don't have to take this seriously, but it's a true story, I swear on my left hand's thumb-nail. This dude wearing grey and glowing red eyes approaches me. Very ominously. And I could tell something was happening. Something... bad. His walk turns into a run, and soon he's less then three feet from Us. Outta nowhere he screams "IT'S TOO LATE TO TURN BACK NOW, ROLAND!" and suddenly "Hey Ya" by OutKast starts playing, and this dude starts break dancing in front of me. I was terrified for my life, and could you blame me? I've just been artistically violated in front of hundreds of people over the World-Wide-Web. Here are some pics:

Yeah, nice moves, right? That's what I said. Then he called me a mortal fool, spat on my computer screen, and possessed my cat, who break-danced my guitar into a pulp of splinters. Oh, wait, wasn't that the plot of Twilight? OH BURN. Sorry, that was a bad.

No, he didn't possess my cat, but he did spew a few last minute insults at me as I walked away, which include but are not limited to: Cotton headed ninny muggins, Stinky McStink Face, Anal Retentive Jewish Puppy Fornicator, and Anal butt nuget. That's right, he misspelled nugget. I think that is what bothered me the most. As this tirade of ignored insults fell upon me, I noticed more freaks had joined the party:

This was going nowhere, much to fast. So I decided to find the coolest looking dude, and see if I could get him to be my friend. So I found this guy:

He looks awesome. Right? I had a feeling this was just the kinda guy who would go slay level 87 Frost Giants from Angmar with me. Then I would have advanced to level 58, and gained the accuracy attributes. But only if I could roll a d8...

Anyway, it is getting a little late, and this post has, surprisingly drawn on a bit too long. My epic story shall continue tomorrow. TO BE CONTINUED!

NEXT TIME:

Our Heroes Encounter Problems With Internet Connections!